Going into any Internet discussion of parenting, you can see that all parents, in general, are divided into two camps. One half argues that without the use of physical force, it is impossible to raise a good person, and the other half vehemently protests against them, saying that in no case should you punish children. After all, it can lead to psychological trauma in their later lives, and you just need to talk to them. If that doesn’t work, close your eyes to their tricks and everything will pass by itself as they grow up. Most probably, you are not satisfied with either approach, so it is reasonable to assume that the answer to the question of how to use punishment for children so that it is effective and not violent lies somewhere in the middle.
If you, as a parent, are just beginning to explore this topic in preparation for possible future problems with your child, don’t rush to let punishment into your behavior with your children. Punishing children who are clearly in an unequal category with you, both in age and in strength and knowledge, can look unfair in your child’s eyes and will only alienate them from you. It is better to start with calm conversations and explanations, and only if they do not help because of the nature and temperament of your baby, you can move on to other approaches.
An important point in the upbringing of children is the introduction of rules as soon as they reach the age when they can understand that their actions can entail negative consequences. But sooner or later, the child will break the rules, and what to do then? First, you must always be fair and consistent in your actions as a parent. The child must be firmly aware that they can be punished and for what they can be punished. At the same time, the way parents react should not depend on their mood. For example, if you are in a good mood, you smile and kindly explain to the child what they did wrong, and if this situation repeats itself and you are in a bad mood, you start yelling at the baby. In this case, the child is simply not able to learn what they are allowed and aren’t allowed to do. Also, the attitude and reaction of all family members should be the same to such misconduct, at least the parents.
Now, the time has come when many parents understand how important the period of childhood is in the life of every person. Perhaps someone themselves had an unpleasant experience of upbringing as a child and want to make every effort so that their child grows up in a healthy environment and does not feel humiliated. Therefore, you can immediately set the rules for yourself as for parents – no beatings or spanking! The fear, pain, and humiliation that children feel will definitely not help them draw the right conclusions about their misconduct.
If the established rules and prohibitions have been violated, try to show the child that you, their closest people, are upset and disappointed by their actions; if this does not help, have them fix their wrongdoings themselves, and if this is not possible, let them be held accountable.
For example, if a child is constantly careless about objects and breaks them, you can say that the money that was intended to buy a new toy will go to pay for the damage they have done. And this will always happen from now on if they do not try to behave more carefully. Of course, children, like adults, cannot always do everything perfectly, but if they begin to behave more carefully, then the lesson is learned.
Another important aspect of parenting that can help you maintain a good relationship is avoiding the use of verbal abuse. Being expressive in sayings, you will not achieve anything, but your name-calling and negativity towards the child’s personality will cause them only resentment and self-doubt. Instead, focus on the wrongdoing itself and try to figure out why the child did it. Perhaps they lacked your attention, or they need to find some kind of developmental activity to focus on really important and exciting things.
In general, try to talk with your children as often as possible, discuss daily events, monitor their well-being, but do not overdo it with control and cross their personal boundaries. So you can become their closest friend, and it is easier to find a common language.
