Has it always been extremely hard or easy for you to tell what you or other people around you feel right now? Let’s take the next level – what are their motivation, intention, or even desire? The key to this magical ability is your emotional intelligence (EI).
Why is it important to boost this skill? Well, first of all, it is because we often make decisions based on our emotions and it would really help if you could not only notice them but also control them and work with them. A few simple habits allow you to pump this ability. Start with at least a few, and you will immediately see tangible results.
Show Emotions with a Slight Delay
Sometimes we react too harshly to a situation and then regret it. Or, it happens that we say something in the heat of the moment that we want to take back later. Whether you have these impulsive responses or not, delaying your emotions is equally beneficial for everyone.
Nobel laureate and author of “Think Slow … Decide Fast” Daniel Kahneman identified two systems of thought. He named them System 1 and System 2, but they are also known as autopilot and pilot. Autopilot processes information using emotions and intuition. The pilot, on the other hand, uses rational thinking and works more slowly. It takes time to activate this system, but after that, it analyzes all our mistakes during the autopilot operation.
Try counting to 10 before giving in to emotional urges or impulsive decisions. This will give the pilot time to “turn on” to thoroughly study the feelings before you have time to splash them on others.
Keep a Diary
Writing down your thoughts and feelings is very helpful in elevating emotional intelligence. Journaling has a positive effect on creativity and introspection.
There are no rules, but it’s best to take notes every day to make it a habit. For the development of emotional intelligence, it is worth taking three types of notes:
- about yourself and your feelings at the moment;
- what new you have learned about your feelings during the day;
- which habit on the list you want to focus on when training your EI.
The most important thing is to start and continue regularly. If you are not happy with writing down something personal into the notepad, you can make notes on your phone or even do short audio recordings – thus, you can feel more secure. Then, go back to these notes every month to analyze your current feelings and see if there is any progress in developing your emotional intelligence.
Meditate
Meditation helps build new neural connections in the brain that help cope with stress and emotional outbursts. It especially helps men who find it difficult to express their feelings. Meditative practices allow you to move away from traditional gender stereotypes and interact constructively with your emotional side. Try different types of meditation, from Zazen to Loving Kindness Meditation, and choose which one suits you the best.
Do Yoga
Yoga teaches you to feel yourself and your body in the present moment and listen to sensations. All this helps recognize your emotions better, which means it takes you one step closer to increased EI.
In addition, our body subtly analyzes what we feel and sometimes even reacts faster than us. Yoga will build a “bridge” between understanding our emotions and responding to them. Therefore, train yourself to practice at least 15 minutes a day.
Pay Attention to Cognitive Biases
Emotions often lead us in the wrong direction. All because of the “blind spots” in our minds, which are called cognitive distortions. These are systematic and completely irrational thought patterns that we use every day. They are dangerous as they can lead to wrong decisions in personal and professional life.
To weaken their influence, you need to figure out what patterns of thinking are peculiar to you. For example, maybe you often say to yourself, “I never succeed.” This is a common case of a cognitive distortion that is deeply embedded in the head.
Create a daily ritual to help you break the pattern. For example, every day before leaving the house, look in the mirror and say to yourself: “Today, I will definitely succeed.” Over time, you will finally get rid of negative cognitive distortions.
Analyze Relationships with Others
The first five habits force you to look inside yourself, but we should not forget about interaction with others. When you identify your cognitive biases, you will be surprised how many of them are related to family, friends, coworkers, or other people in general.
To better understand your emotions, make it a habit to analyze your feelings when communicating with others. Stop and try to figure out what new things you might learn about yourself as you talk. You can even highlight an item for such observations in the diary. This will help you create an effective communication plan for the future.
Become an Active Listener
Many of us know how to listen to the speaker patiently, but not all know how to hear them truly. It is especially evident during disagreements. Some immediately take a defensive position and begin to actively develop arguments, not even listening to the other person.
Emotional intelligence is impossible without the ability to hear. So try to become an active listener during the conversation – ask questions and analyze the answers rather than just waiting for your turn to speak.
This ability will significantly help in resolving conflicts – you will learn to understand the claims of the interlocutor, be aware of the problem, and find the right solution.
Change Communication Style
Try to use a confident communication style more often. But remember the importance of maintaining a balance and not being too aggressive. Interact with others honestly but respectfully. Expressing your opinions clearly and talking about your feelings and emotions will encourage others to be just as frank with you.
